In many Asian homes, responsibilities are clearly visible—cleaning, cooking, folding laundry, or serving tea to guests. These are the chores we recognize. But behind the scenes is another layer of work that’s often unseen and unspoken: remembering to buy sugar, planning the week’s meals, checking if the children’s uniforms are clean, or anticipating guests’ needs. These invisible tasks make up what psychologists call the mental load—and it’s changing how we understand equality at home.
A person’s mental load is the amount of mental energy needed to keep up with all of their household responsibilities. It’s not about who physically completes the task but who carries the responsibility of thinking ahead, planning, and keeping track of everything. In Pakistani and broader South Asian households, this load often falls disproportionately on women—even when both partners are working or claim to “share” responsibilities.
What Mental Load Looks Like in Desi Culture?
Imagine a woman in a standard Pakistani house. She is checking whether the gas cylinder needs to be replaced, reminding her son about tomorrow’s school trip, and wondering whether she remembered to restock the spices as she is making roti. In joint homes, this pressure only gets stronger—remembering birthdays, dietary preferences, household expenses, and extended family obligations often becomes a full-time cognitive job.
Usually taken for granted, this work is quiet, repetitious. And it’s not obvious, like cleaning dishes or sweeping the floor; thus, it’s hardly appreciated or noticed.
Why is this a big deal?
Mental load stays mostly unbalanced even in homes where men help with chores. One person might physically drop off the school; the other is the one remembering to pack lunch, sign the permission slip, and set the morning alarm.
This kind of invisible work can cause problems in relationships, mental tiredness, and ongoing stress. Particularly in cases when their efforts go unappreciated, the relentless pressure to “keep things running” can wear someone out. This creates emotional distance, resentment, and a lack of real home teamwork over time.
Turning the Story in Pakistani Homes
Dealing with mental load is about raising awareness and developing better home systems, not about assigning guilt. It begins with honest dialogues. Who is burdened with remembering things? Planning is under the purview of who? And are we truly distributing the chores, or only the physical ones?
Here are some feasible measures that might be useful:
Shared ownership: Don’t just ask “What should I do?”—instead, take full ownership of an area (like meal planning or school responsibilities).
Use tools: Shared calendars, reminder apps, or written lists can help distribute planning equally.
Check in regularly: Weekly household meetings can help identify imbalances and give space to express feelings and needs.
The Cultural Shift Has Begun
More and more young couples in Pakistan are becoming aware of this imbalance. With increased awareness through social media and urban lifestyle changes, people are beginning to realize that true equality at home means sharing not just chores—but the responsibility of thinking about them too.
Mental load may be invisible, but its impact is very real. If we want to create homes built on fairness, empathy, and mutual respect, we need to start recognizing and redistributing this hidden burden—one conscious conversation at a time.
